It's so so so hard to be kind to yourself when you've grown up in an environment that told you that you weren't worthy of being kind to. I am like that, too. I have a hard time with the intrusive thoughts when I'm upset, like, "You're so stupid and selfish," "All you do is take from everyone" "You're just lazy and careless and you're exaggerating". It's hard not to have those thoughts when they've been drilled into you your whole life! I don't know how to fix it, I just want you to know that there are other people who have the same issues. I do not know you personally, but I know that you are worthy of love and praise and kindness. You do not deserve unkind and disrespectful words.