SillyBean, it sounds like this is a great forum to post in. I am so sorry that you have had struggles in your upbringing and marriage. I was abused as a child as well so I can relate. I don't think that we can just get over being abused. It becomes a life long learning process. We have to work on ourselves no matter what it takes. If it means therapy and support groups or whatever it is...we have to advocate for ourselves as no one else can do that for us. YOU DID NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED AND MISTREATED. You are absolutely correct. I hate the memories as well. I have learned that they are emotional triggers and I am becoming aware of them. Please get the help that you need. Reach out to those who care about you and don't isolate or keep your feelings inside. You don't have to anymore and remember to be in a safe environment.

I wish you safety and comfort.