After I broke up with my ex, I realized that I had been in a relationship with an abusive narcissist. I had never met a person like that, so I did not see any of the signs. I was in a bad place when I met him and we dated for a few years, but we had a lot of problems. To make a long story short, I have been dealing with what happened and working on myself so that I don't make the same mistakes again ... I know that a relationship is a two way street and that even though he was emotionally and physically abusive to me, I also allowed it to happen - I even took the blame for what happened. I have been seeing a therapist and was diagnosed with PTSD. It has been a long road to healing, especially because I feel like I should have known better since I was abused as a child. I do not have a pattern of being with abusive men. My last few relationships weren't perfect, but they weren't abusive. I made every excuse in the book for my ex's behavior. By the end of the relationship I was reduced to a shell by his constant abuse, then devalued and discarded like I was worth nothing.

The reason I am writing is because my ex is in a position of power in a creative arts group. He preys on young women. He did it to me, and he did it to others in the group before me. His M.O. is to introduce girls in their 20s to S&M, but really it is just an excuse to abuse them. The ex's with bad things to say about him have been shunned/banned from the community and he is protected. This means that no one will warn these girls - no one warned me, either, and after almost 4 years, after I caught him cheating on me with one of his "groupies", and broke up with him ... I was treated like an outcast while my ex lied to everyone about me, saying that I was a crazy jealous *****, even though the whole community knew he was cheating on me the entire time, because he was doing it there.

Now, I am glad to be out of the relationship. But whenever I see photos of him with 20 yr old girls, I feel like I am going to be sick. I want to warn them, but I can't warn the world. I don't understand how he can get away with this, over and over again. I want to let it go and I can't seem to. I want nothing to do with this man, but the idea that he preys on young women because they are naive and susceptible to his abuse makes me so angry. I am not in my 20s, but I look a lot younger than I am, and I think that combination (along with my acceptance of his abusive behaviors) is what made our relationship last for so long. Ours was one of the longest relationships he ever had. At 35, I was also the oldest women he had *ever* dated. (He is 50)

On one hand, I feel like I am out of the relationship and I should be thankful for that, pick up the pieces and move on. But on the other hand, it has been months and all I have to do is see some photo or something through mutual friends and it sends me into a spiral. Just today, I saw a photo of a girl who turned 21 a few months ago sitting on his lap provocatively, almost like she was pushing her butt into his crotch. He is 50 ... he looked disgusting. She is so young it made him look so much older and creepier. Yet, he's talented and popular, king of the creative arts group. She has no idea what she would be getting into with him. No one does, because he is a narcissist and puts up a false front. That's what pulled me in.

I'm just having a lot of trouble with this part of healing. Any advice?