I've had some spiritual experiences that feel very real to me, and at the time were all consuming. For me it was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. I had thoughts that i was fighting demons to get back parts of my soul. Very hard to explain.So life is a lot less painful now, but i miss the intensity of that too. I don't feel much of a spiritual connection now, and i don't know if i can when i am stable. On the one hand i think i was in delusions at the time, but on the other hand it could be that all of that was real, and the life i have now is an illusion. I don't think i could ever fully believe either explanation... Maybe the truth is a bit of both? Maybe those ideas that seemed so real are actually more of a metaphor? Haven't figured it out yet.