Thank you for the support. It really does help to come here and offload some of the anxiety and pain, and the kind words and hugs are much appreciated.

Ended up calling crisis again last night. The CPN i spoke with was so helpful and we got things dialed down some so i could take care of myself again.

Called my care manager this morning, but he was off sick. However, someone from his team saw that I'd contacted crisis (they send my care manager a notification) and called me this afternoon to see how i was doing. Which was unexpected and so nice.

Had a home visit from my support worker, too, and although i was a bit of a shambles, it helped to talk about why and to be reminded that my reaction to physio makes sense under the circumstances.

And I had some email contact with my T. That didn't quite so well. Sometimes we talk past each other in email - missing tone and eye contact and all that stuff makes it a bit tricky, especially on days when he's emailing between clients and i'm a triggered mess. But while i may nitpick at his word choice, and then get all defensive about my own, there's no denying he cares.

So, yes, i reached out and got a whole heap of support and it helped. And i was gently told to reach out more often and sooner at the moment - need to remember that.

Best of all, though, my son called briefly this evening! Hadn't spoken to him in three days as they're camping in the middle of nowhere, but they'd gone driving and trekking up to a clifftop spot to watch the sunset and had some (scratchy) cellphone coverage so he called me. Just hearing his voice was so lovely, and so grounding, too.

Just need to keep breathing. Keep doing my exercises. And keep talking.