I'm tired of this depression. It will lift for a bit and even within hours it is back. I exercise, I eat pretty much healthy, I go to work, I take my meds, etc. I have 2 kids and a husband and parents who need me here. They love me and I cannot hurt them by leaving. I don't know what to do. I am so irritable when they are around- all I do is yell and when I am able to I isolate so that I don't hurt them more by things I say. I convince myself they are still better off with an angry mom than no mom, but this is so hard.

Last night the irritability and aggression I was feeling was awful. I felt it everywhere in my body. Like my insides were a twisted mess and my skin was crawling and I just wanted to hurt something or someone. I kept away from everyone and read a book and was able to calm down some. Today that is better but now I'm just sad.

I'm not even depressed about anything. I like myself, I have a good family, but none of that matters. American Horror Story finale is on tonight- I guess that's enough to keep me going today (have to find out what happens to the twins

Until then I will cry and lay on the couch and feel dead and empty inside