Short history and intro! Molested starting at age 4, again at age 12 to 17 by about 30 different men. When i was 17 I moved to NYC, was in the ultra VIP crowd of the NYC elite, at 20 I modeled and moved to LA, got in with the elite LA Hollywood scene and had fame handed to me on a gold plate, i ate from silver spoons in the Hollywood Hills. Then one night my sister called and told me my mom had a heart attack, So i left LA at 3am one night without telling anyone and I never looked back, to take care of her and continue to defend her from my abusive father. No-one in LA new my last name or what city I was really from. I broke a lot of hearts and left a trail of confused people in my wake. I lead two lives, I was two whole different people, to the point it could have been bigamy. I excel in everything that I do and seem to always find myself in positions of power or privilege. I dated some of the most famous names in Hollywood and some of the richest men in the country. I always walked away in the end, who needs Aston martins and 300.00$ a plate meals?

Now I am in school to be a Social Worker, I want to work with child molesters and children who have been molested. I think it is the right path for me, I have a lot to offer. I am now dating someone who treats me nice, yet I am standoffish when they show affection, i feel like running in the opposite direction, like I always have... I've moved all over North America, I get settled in then I get spooked and I pack up and leave. But I feel like I really like this person I am seeing, then the other day he is watching tv and came across a PBS program about narcissists... Great!! He said that sounds just like me. well, probably because it is? On top of that, I was sitting in my therapist office talking about all the things in my life I have seen, the horrors and tragedies, the monstrosities I was forced into seeing, that there is not a god, there can't be and i might as well be God because I can do a better job then he does.

Then not only does she tell me I was desensitized to violence but that not ALL Narcissists and sociopaths hurt people. She also said not all have criminal behavior, but i've watched enough criminal mind shows to know they have been chasing the narcissist and often the sociopath. I grew up in a deeply Italian Catholic family who was no stranger to organized crime and the federal government. My mother tried very hard to keep us kids away from all of that, but I have been been interviewed on several occasions by law enforcement and I always happy and peppy and polite, nice and so on. I don't have one speck other than a driving infraction on my criminal history. I sought help many times witih different therapists and noone believed anything I had to say, I was even labeled a schizophrenic, even though everything I said it true.

So at this point I am getting older, I am tired and I kind of want the madness to end, I don't feel at this point in my life like that person is me, or at least I don't want to be that person anymore. I am reinventing myself to be even more happy, more polite, more helpful, more perfect etc... So how do I deal with HIM (My other self?) when he starts to creep in my head, at this point I want to just kill him off and antipsychotic drugs only do that so much. I want to live a normal life, but I know what I am inside.

I posted on another forum but it was trolled by a few immature people, so what are any of your thoughts or experiences?

anonymous