hey ipse, sounds like quite a confusion of feelings.

> I justed want to call her up and leave a message simply saying: "I miss you."

i think i understand this. sometimes i really want to reach out to my t so he can comfort me.

> But I don't let myself, because I'm afraid and anxious and nervous.

but sometimes i can't reach out 'cause i'm scared he won't want to comfort me. i'm scared that he will resent me or be averse to me for reaching out to him.

> If I call with the words "I miss you", no matter how true, they could compromise things and make her feel some "sentimental obligation" to answer the questions how I want to hear them, as opposed to what is real.

it could... though... therapy is meant to be about the therapist answering the questions in the way that is most likely to facilitate theraputic progress.

sounds to me like you are defending against expressing the vulnerable and needy feelings because they haven't been responded to very well in the past. it can be soul destroying when that happens. really very. i tend not to express those feelings either. it is hard.

sounds like you do have a good connection to your therapist, though. its just that is is scary huh.

not sure what to say except that i think i understand.

hang in there.