I feel the need to share more of my past especially with T. Ive been reluctant for so long due to shame, denial, and knowing what it means. I know now looking back I am most likely bipolar. I've been in deep depressions most of my life but I do have times days, weeks of thinking I'm happy.

During those happy times there's drugs and sex and a lot of money spending. I spent to the point I had no money left until I got paid or stole. During the depressions I was very much into SI.

Some advice would be helpful since I have a tendency to hold everything in. Thank you.