If you have a therapist you might want to talk to him/her about your weight issues. The feelings you have could lead to something worse than a nightmare. Are you anorexic? I hope that you are not. You need to find a way to learn to love your body for the good job it does. There is beauty to be found in every body. It is, after all, your home. I know that it isn't easy to love the imperfections but maybe with counseling you can find a way.