It's all right to be repetitive and redundant, if that's how you feel, and to vent this out here if it helps you even a little tiny smidge to not suffer in silence. Because you are suffering. Eventually it will begin to get better, but considering how long you took Klonopin and the effect it had on you, it's not surprising you've having a hard time now.

IMO, it's highly valuable that you and others speak out about this, about the agony of prolonged withdrawal after years of use. Where I live doctors handed out open prescriptions for klonopin like candy for years to anyone with anxiety or any kind of mental health issue that caused insomnia.

They treated it like it was a totally benign substance when it's not. Everyone's beginning to realize that for some patients it causes a lot of problems. There's a push on at the state level to limit the number of pills a patient can have per month and people who've been taking it for years are now panicking and scrambling because they can't imagine their life without big daily doses. For others, it's no problem. Their doctors already limited their use to a reasonable amount and they're doing okay. You were one of the unlucky ones. It may have something to do with how much a person took per day and how long they took it. It may even have something to do with genetics, from what I've read.

When you write from your first hand experience, you may be helping people you'll never meet. The only way people can learn that benzos can be highly addictive drugs with agonizing withdrawal symptoms is to hear about it. You didn't know when you were taking benzos. Your doctors may not have known because klonopin was marketed as safe.

So keep talking, ForeverGirl. There are other posters here at Psych Central who are also suffering due to benzo withdrawal. If even one person hears your stories and pays attention and avoids taking too many benzos for too long a time, then you've all done a public service by sharing what you're going through, as agonizing as it is. Hang in there. It takes tremendous courage to face each day when your body is rebelling against you. It may be hard to see yourself as brave when you feel so cruddy, but it takes bravery to face each day, to write about it here, to even get cleaned up and dressed, knowing you're not going to ease your way by taking that little pill. It's courage, plain and simple.

It's okay to start telling yourself, "Hey, I'm kinda brave and proud of myself because I'm doing this, I'm not giving in. I'm doing okay, even when I feel awful, I'm mustering up some backbone to keep going." It really is okay to say that and think it about yourself. You're climbing out of the abyss, hanging on by your fingernails sometimes, but still hanging on. So keep talking because what you have to say is important.