Well, this is what I was told, from the girls I had sex with. They were surprised how insecure I am despite doing well. I didn't make a huge deal about it, but I really didn't like my body. It's mainly a bitter sweet, I like being a dude, but being a girl has always been apart of me.

I felt more free sexually expressing myself as a girl not a guy.
Being a girl, I feel more ok, being masochistic, and being what I want to be as a guy. I'm kinda limited, and I was also told in a negative sense with my sexual needs and my overall well being when it came up in conversation, my mother and sister treated me like some monster. Then the same from people in public, when I played some game "I never.." and I said one thing, that was true about me and say I never, but that was how we played it.
I said, "I like to be restrained by two girls and forced to do what they want." or "I like having someone else physically torture me with some pleasure of sexual stuff."

Pretty much, I got confused and shocked faces. After hearing someone else say something like that was lighter than mine.

Like I live in an area where more sexually crazed people like me, are shunned, but everything else is like "normal." Putting their mindset into perspective. So like if you talk about ****, everyone thinks your a *****. It's so childish, I don't mean I'm in highschool. Like these are grown adults who don't get out of that mindset.

It's not just isolated it's just this area. We are one of the last few places that are intolerant and ignorant to sexuality. I found out we still outlaw gay marriage and promote discrimination. I was kinda shocked how everyone else is like the majority and my state is in the minority. Like it's pretty weird. It feels like your stuck on and island of people who choose not to learn than to learn. I mean that's everywhere, but especially here.

I get more grossed out by people who do public sex to have conceive a child in some party or any public place. Then like not take care of the kid with all this drama behind it.

Like there are a lot of things I'm grossed out with when it comes to some things people do. It's not that they are doing it, it's just how they go about it afterwards. Like people make all this talk they aren't like that and then turn around and use an excuse to cheat to do that. Instead of just doing that from the get go. I dated people like that.

It's shown me what I like and what I don't like.

As a guy I get passed up, but as a girl I know I'd get better luck being myself.

It's my personality doesn't match my body, I decided to get the transition started.

Also when I told my mom about it, after all the **** I went through and stood up for her and my suffering in life from what I experience all she had to say was, "It's a waste of money, people will make fun of you, it would probably look bad and I won't have you live here if you do."

I looked up ways for me to help me with this. Not using porn, I don't like porn. I don't like strip clubs, I don't like private clubs that require me to have a friend and date. Even though those don't exist here.

I'd rather be in a safe place, where I can do that with females and not feel discriminated. I feel I don't know if this is a mistake when someone wants to know what I like, I do a poor job describing what I like sometimes, because I am afraid if I tell them, like before. They'll be like, that's nice good luck having someone who likes that.

After they ask me. It's really awkward when people do that to me and it's like why did you waste my time.

I don't think this came out making any sense. I don't even remember the time when I posted this.