Oh to include the girls I had sex with, it what really fueled my insecurity, oddly enough I hate it when only with people I date. That they want to just hookup and **** every time we meet instead of dating me. It's like I get it you like lots of sex, I do too to some degree, but not all the time. Rather I got burned out very quick and emotionally exhausted feeling that, they only wanted my man junk and instead they could of been a **** buddy, they assumed I get mad if they didn't date me, but I was actually mad they blew this out of proportion and made me go through the ringer, because they chose not to be honest.

It got me not wanting to say what I want anymore, it's why I don't bother telling people. I'm so used to just saying, you know they are just going to not understand and you'll find their true intentions after saying what I'm going to say next. Sure enough, it's always like that, I blame lots of things including myself, the society I'm in, and being in a place where I have to shut myself out.

I figured the only way out is to be blunt, but I just don't care. Like, I see a pretty girl here another one there, it's like I can't make up my mind who. It's not that I want to date, have sex, or even talk to. It's like overwhelming. I'm not shy or scared, I just don't care sometimes now. I just ignore and go about my business, because even if someone catches my eye. I won't even bother except appear superficial. Most of the time, I fear of my own honesty.

That's it being honest, I just push people away instead of telling them what I want them to hear instead of telling them what they want to hear.