Sometimes we post something or say something here or IRL that makes another person not like us. Maybe it's some action we've taken or some behavior, but the fact is, not everyone can be friends. And that's okay.

But what I've found is that sometimes people like to blame others for their unhappiness, especially people they don't like. Psychologists call this "scapegoating" when it happens in a family situation -- one person is held up as the cause of all of the family's troubles. If you think of Psych Central as the family, then often times it is convenient and easy to hold up one or two members here as the "problem child."

The fact is, though, that every month, we rotate who the community thinks that "problem child" or problem children are. Trust me, I and the other administrators here get PMs every week that complain about this or that member. The important point though is -- it's almost never the same person. Sure, we get multiple complaints sometimes about one member, but we also get multiple complaints about the people who are making the other complaints!

For the record, our job here is to investigate, to the best of our ability, such complaints and take actions when necessary (through the use of warnings, suspensions, and even banning). We encourage the use of the tools we do have available to limit people interacting with people they don't like here -- use the ignore feature. We ask everytime when someone complains about another member they don't like to please, please, use this feature.

Some members take us up on our offer. Others do not. We cannot force someone to ignore someone else, but we're also not here to play universal mediator between two people (or two or more groups of people) who don't like one another. That's something we need people to own for themselves.

Some people mistakenly believe that if we just get rid of this person or that person from the community, we would finally be at peace and all would be well. I think that's a naive view, because I think there's so much diversity in this world, we can't expect every person to be someone who's just like us, or at least someone we don't actively dislike. Others would take their place in due time, and then we'd be asked to remove them as well. And so on, and so on.

I never wanted a community where a handful of people handpicked every other member who was welcomed here. No, I want the exact opposite -- I want everyone to feel welcomed here because we're all grappling with the same category of issues in our lives, issues of mental health and wellness. We do share that common thread, even if all of us don't get along.

So please, stop believing that kicking this member or that out of the community is going to solve the usual and expected problems of interacting socially with a large group of others. It won't. Instead, please find a way to embrace our diversity, to even celebrate it!, and ignore those whom you simply don't get along with.

Thank you for your continued support!
DocJohn