Hello everyone and thank you for your insights.

I've never thought of telling my mother that her seeking out therapy is what would make me happy. That is really great advice. I have to go about it in a sensitive way, not to seem like I am pushing aside our "family" problems onto somebody else as a way of getting rid of her. However, I fully realize it is not my responsibility to be a vessel for her to spill out all her emotional baggage. My step-father and I have been speaking about this problem, for the first time , only recently. He is under the impression that therapy won't help her because she herself does not want it and will only visit a psychologist to satisfy me. Now things are getting really manipulative from his side. Because I made the mistake of sharing my doubts about continuing to live-abroad, he is trying to convince me to come back by saying he will help me financially and he will make "mom be on her best behavior, I promise, even if it means we'll make her put it in writing". I'm shocked by his response. From the beginning, he has been against me living abroad because of the pain it causes my mother and he feels I ran away from a situation at home and didn't give my home-town a chance to grow as an adult and find work there. There is a pinch of truth to that, but I truly feel happy and most productive where I currently live. Included in his latest revelations is that she is giving him hell, treating him poorly, refuses to acknowledge she is over-motherly and that it has negative unintended consequences. When he confronts her about this, and apparently several people in the family have as well, she is naturally defensive and claims he is saying that to punish her. She also refuses to let him visit me when she comes once a year to me, claiming that mother-daughter family time is normal and he shouldn't come. He gets upset and it has caused serious problems in their relationship. Now, because we have opened up the communication network (between my step-dad and I) , I feel he is using me as a last resort to calm my mother down and failing to see what is in my best interest.

Regarding severing the financial-cord - you are absolutely right. I have been refusing money from my mother ever since I started working, but there is nothing I can do to prevent her from this. However, I realize now that I must be much stronger and tell her in the most serious tone that it is not acceptable. I failed to mention that I have now turned down the offered apartment, I didn't say the exact reason, only that I am not sure about my future plans yet and I need time to think.

After speaking with my step-dad over the course of the last few days, it was also revealed that my mother believes that she is a horrible mom and has never done anything for me! Holy cow - talk about perverted perception. So now all her money gifts are quite clear. She has never really given me mature advice, has never truly offered me support other than money and unconditional consolation - but all this because she has been trying to make up for being a "Bad mom" - I have never thought this about her, and in fact all these woes sound so "middle class" and pathetic, I realize this... She is desperately trying to make up for lost time and to buy my love, possibly without realizing it and now my step-dad is on the wagon.

Enough is enough, I need to definitely cut the financial ties.