So today I had a meeting with my T. It was very hard for me to speak today but eventually I blurted out "Some guy tried to rape me couple years ago". After that there was a lot of silence. She did not want to push me. Then she asked how am I feeling right now, so I told her I am starting to have a panic attack and she helped me overcome it. We talked how this situation affects my life and me. We did not go to any details. She just asked couple simple questions (where did it happen, if there was an intercourse etc.) but when she noticed that I am not ready to go deep into that topic she dropped it and told me that we'll go back to it when I am ready and that she doesn't necessairly need to know ALL the details to help me.

She also gave me a homework: I have to find 5 positive things about myself. It will be difficult...

Unfortunatelly I did not have a courage to tell her that I started to SH again. There was not enough time. She also told me that I should be on meds and encouraged me to go to psychiatrist as it will help me go through the therapy and also because my panic attacks are very intense.

It was very difficult session and left me extremely physically exhaused.