Hello,

I never really felt secure in this relationship due to her sexual past. Beautiful girl but had 36 partners by the age of 22 and started at age 14. Before knowing this we fell madly in love with each other and everything was glorious but soon as time went on the questions started to be asked and it devastated me that her past was so much. Soon it poisoned the relationship and I thought about it daily and would constantly make her feel guilty for her decisions growing up. Worst of it all I knew a lot of the people and some of them were friends growing up. Knowing that the relationship drove me away from everybody I knew because I was so ashamed to have her as a girlfriend but I was so madly in love with her that I couldn't let her go. As time went on I would constantly ask for details not wanting to know but wanting to and she would be honest for the most part. I soon found my self constantly wanting to hurt her by sleeping with other people and lying to her about them so I could have some sort of edge on her but it never solved the insecurity factor. I constantly felt I was not enough for her sexually and every day it was an issue. As time went on i would ask about situations and instead of being honest she began to lie about things and she would promise to my face knowing she was lying. That added a whole new issue on top of my insecurities was that she could have been lying to me about multiple things and thats when it spiraled out of control. The insecurities brought up by her past and then the lying killed the relationship and we separated. Now that we are apart I figured it would be time to beef up my history of people Ive slept with in hopes that it will never feel that insecure again in a relationship. After some people I still feel insecure and I found my self running back to her. Ive come to terms that Im most likely going to marry this girl because we both just can't live with out e.o. We are on a separation/break and I'm hoping to find a way to get past these issues so we may be happy one day.