Granite, you are doing amazing, really difficult, deep work. Please stop and treat yourself the way you treat me when I share with you the horrible, panic inducing dreams that I have. In one of my recent sessions, I was sharing with T a combination of dreams and flashbacks that I have been having. He took that combination to the logical conclusion of what happened to that little kid I used to be, and I just melted down. Had my legs up against my chest, my face buried in a pillow, huddled in a ball on his nice expensive couch, chanting, NONONONONO. I followed that bizarro behavior up by a weird, complete return to rationality and put my feet back on the floor and demanded to know how often he disinfected his pillows. Totally bizarro behavior, right? Would you tell me I should be embarrassed? Please treat yourself the same way you would treat me about this kind of thing. Talking about this kind of thing is just really freaking hard.

Big hugs, friend.