Quote:
Originally Posted by avlady
i'm so sorry if i got you upset. yes it is all true what you know to live with autism, i feel for you, it must be hard. i don't know what to even say about what could be called your enemies, those who make fun of you, or treat you bad. there is no excuse to teat people bad, they are just arrogant and ignorant. i really don't even know what to say, i hope people will learn, we all here especially have to bear the stripes of being different and it is like a stripe we will carry out our whole lives.I myself have learned over many years that i can not help myself without the help of others and i do worry these people will be gone someday. well i hope you can do what you like without the critizism from jerks like the ones you came across. good luck!!
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No, not at all! I liked your comment.
No upset created at all. I'm glad you DO have someone/people who can stand with you when you need someone, as I would imagine it truly helps, like you say.
I do have some people now who understand me after I explained what I am all about, and it has made a world of difference to me and them. They no longer see me in the negative light that they did and I no longer have to "disprove" my alleged malicious intent. The only thing is, that is two people out of thousands, and they are in such a position, that they are not my friends as such, more my "superiors" at my university to whom I finally divulged all this information. I mean we are close, but I can't "hang out" with them for example, to put it bluntly.
I think that is what I miss the most. I am a functioning, emotional and loving person under this perceived thick exterior slab of cold, callous and indifferent stone, and I also wish I could just "hang out" with other young people for the fun of it, like they do, enjoying the company of friendship and the joys of youth. I feel like an inmate in a one-cell prison, guarded by an evil warder who twists every message I try to send to the outside world and spitefully bins any messages being sent to me from them. That's about the best way I can describe it.
Thanks for your kind words.
I think I just wanted people to maybe be more inquisitive and ask something about me for once, ask me stuff, probe into my life, I really don't mind. A lonely guy like me would only welcome that. I would be totally OK with that, it's so much better than them just assuming I must be sadistic and cold or something, and then continuing to ignore me. It's people's faith in me that has always moved me. My one closest friend was not the one who did stuff for me, but was the one who just came up to me, spoke to me like I'm just a normal guy, and never made a fuss of trying to hard to "not awaken the sleeping lion". Everyone else assumed I will react like some kind of monster and bite their head off if they even dared it to come near me. When people show that little faith, how do they then expect me to show them the true me? To love me is truly to know me.