Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenentity
How do I care for this body of mine when I don't really feel like it's my body?
Yet i know that this will always be my body, I can't have a different body, I can only make changes to it. I gotta be patient, but I don't see any sign of things getting better.
Half the time, I feel like I'm just an actor playing a role, like I'm stuck playing a guy's role in some sitcom because that is what the director (life) wants me to play. If this is the best it gets for me, I don't know if it's worth living.
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One way to look at this, Brokenentity, might be that this is your perspective viewing your life from your current circumstance. But, what if you were fully able to live life in the way you would most like to? How might you feel then? Of course, the answer is: you don't know... you can't because you're not there. But, since you're here (living), is it not worth the effort to find out? This is the question you must ask yourself... & the one only you can answer for yourself.
What if you made a list of all the things in your life that you'd like to be able to do, your bucket list so to speak. Then take: "live life as my true self" & put it at the very top of the list in capitol letters, italicized! This is the "A", number 1, absolutely most important item on the list. Until you accomplish this one, the rest just don't matter. Then structure your life accordingly. What might that be like?
I wrote a response, yesterday evening, to another PC member's post related to transitioning. I recalled a statement I read, many years ago, in a magazine for writers. In essence it went: a writer writes because s/he has to... because to not write would constitute a denial of the very essence of who s/he is... In some sense, perhaps something similar could be said about any situation involving living as one's true self: a person makes some life-altering change in her / his life because s/he has no other choice. To not do so would constitute a denial of the very essence of who s/he is. It would be a sort of living death itself.
Perhaps the reality of your situation is that you're just not there yet. 'Perhaps you're still holding out hope that something will happen & all-of-a-sudden, everything will be fine Just as it is. It is possible for one to live one's entire life this way. (Look at me!) However, living this way is not pretty & I wouldn't recommend it. Still, it's your choice. But you do have to make it... or choose not to make it & instead just stumble along from one day to the next praying for the end to arrive as soon as possible. That's the road I took. And, again, I wouldn't recommend it...
