I have never posted here before, but I am so mad at myself right now. Does anyone else decide that something is a great idea and then commit to something and then a day or so later freak out and just know that it was the worst idea ever and then need to back out?

I saw a volunteer opportunity related to the area I got my degree in (but cannot work a job in that area because I am so unstable), and it seemed like such a great enriching thing and then a few days later I was like, "Self what the hell? Why would you sign your moody *ss up for something where people will count on you?!?!?!"

You know that feeling in your gut when you can't make yourself do something, well I have that feeling. I am absolutely backing out of it, I didn't sign papers officially to do that volunteer position, but I did make the people that run it seem like they had an interested person. I didn't mean to be a flake, but dammit I am. Again.

I feel like I just need to make sure I never say yes to things like that and stick to being home and not committing to stuff. I just want to be normal and have a job and support myself and still be able to parent at the same time, but I can't handle both, if I am good at one I completely fail the other end, I feel this like constant impending doom because I don't know who I am. I am invisible, and just put on different outfits and sometimes end up in an outfit I don't remember even getting- and by outfit I mean situation.

My doctor has repeatedly told me that the key to happiness for me is to live a very low key low stress life. Hello, I need to win the lottery.