About the meds part: An ex-Pdoc put me on Zyprexa when I was 19...I gained 50lbs. in just a few months. The Pdoc said it was my fault. So I get the fear of side effects. If/when you do see a Pdoc, inform them that you don't want to take meds with the weight gain side effect. It's not just important to your physical health, but your mental health simce both are intertwined.

I also can relate to the feeling of being pushed away because of a suggestion of additional treatment. I just chose to trust that my T and Pdoc do care, and hope that neither abandon me.