Abby, it certainly does sound painful and confusing to feel pulled this way and that. You seem very intelligent, though, and so I'm suggesting (just suggesting) reading psychotherapy books online or buying some from web stores, to decide what you can believe in, what sounds right for you. Then, you can select a therapist who treats by that method. I don't mean the pop psychology, but the scholarly writers of modern psychotherapy methods, such as Balint, Winnicott, Guntrip, Chessick, etc. , or whatever author inspires you. I did that and have a whole library of books. But my therapist and I don't spend the hour intellectualizing. We don't talk about the books, but I just have guidance to keep me focused. We're in deep therapy now and I feel for the first time that we're working where my inner development failed.