I just an email from L. In our very, very brief conversation yesterday, he started talking about how things aren't working out for him in New Orleans, and he sounded down, so I asked if he were depressed (being that is a lot on my mind). He ignored the question in a very pointed and deliberate way, and I didn't pursue it, since I don't really know him, and it's a tricky disclosure issue.

In the email, he accuses me of being "judgmental" for asking if he was depressed. So that's two words that are triggers for him -- date and depression. I honestly thought I was being caring and concerned to ask, in the context of what he was saying and the tone of his voice. Because my family is so totally ignorant about depression and treats it as a character flaw, I assume L was insulted because he shares this social stereotype of depressed as "bad" and "your own fault."

So, after knowing this guy about a half hour (met him in a coffee shop when I was with someone else, a half-hour phone conversation that was nice), I'm already walking on linguistic eggshells.

It's very tempting to email back -- seems to me you're the one who is being judgmental. I have to pick and choose every word to fit your ideas about the world. But that would only perpetuate what has become a very negative and hurtful encounter for me. So I've deleted all his emails, so I don't get into a rage in the dark of night, and pop off some incendiary message. He's written me off, and I've wiped his email record clean. Hopefully, this will be the end of the story, some nice little gesture from someone else will raise my spirits, and I will get back on an up-from-depression path again.

I know I'm ranting. Better there than a lotta other places.