I read something just now and just felt instant jealousy/anger towards myself and where I'm at, like a ****ing failure, and I usually just jump straight towards loud music to help calm me- but perhaps I should listen to my tranquility base radio station on Pandora instead- I really can't think straight right now, but I'm trying . . . I don't know why I posted this, maybe people can relate? I think writing has helped me a bit . . still feeling a bit upset though. . .