a routine.. i am going to try and walk my dogs. i'll look like an idiot walking dogs and crying. i have to go out or the dogs won't get to eat. don't care if i eat but they need to. i will make coffee.. it might help.. i did have tomato soup with cheese...my comfort food. took another shower to take down the puffy eye look.

i turned down the offer for a sub T..he would have been a stranger to me.. i am not good with trust issues. The ER is last resort if i get too suicidal, same reason. i can't talk or cry to strangers so i can't get out what is happening and i look mostly ok... ok enough to not need ER... so i only go when it gets beyond that. It's going that way but maybe enough klonopin will head it off? wine and klonopin elixir.

i want to crawl in a hole and die. i want to just never look out at the world again... or have it look in at me.

thnx for listenig