I wish I could tell you something that would truly help you, but the best I can offer is to say that I know exactly where you're coming from. Everything you typed reminds me of my own mindset when experiencing what I know now as a hypomanic episode. It's incredibly distressing and disturbing. I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

Are you diagnosed, officially? Have you been to any therapy or anything like that where they help you identify your warning signs and triggers? I see in your signature that you're on Topamax. Is that for mood stabilisation? I am also not sure if you're on an SSRI or not-- if you are, and not on a good dose of mood stabiliser, that could be very dangerous for a bipolar I or II person. Instead of helping, it makes the episodes much, much worse.