Once I start drinking I am likely to start using it as a mood stabilizer. Not just having a drink, but specifically seeking to get a certain amount drunk. I know when it has happened because it starts to take on this feeling like drinking becomes this incredible relief. I have been basically not been drinking, except I have a drink or two on special occasions. I am a musician, I was on tour recently, and on the last night I though, 'I'll have a drink, what the hell... So I had a few. A. It made me feel disgusting. But B. I think more to the point of your question, it took me completely out of the present, my mental mood state became so powerful, it was as though I was not really there doing what I was doing, like somehow my body was doing whatever it was doing, but my real reality was what my mind was up to, which was like getting in fights with people and strategizing around all of this imagined stuff. It was intense and unpleasant. So I just don't think I can handle it. That's me...