Okay, so I'm pissed. This may be a shock, but I just found out like a week ago that tucking children in isn't just a movie thing. I was talking to my girlfriend about her childhood and she mentioned her mom tucking her in almost every night, I burst into tears and she was entirely confused. I'm 18 years old and I didn't even know it was a real thing. I have never been tucked in. I don't know why it's such an issue but it's hitting me really hard. I just wish that when I got upset my mom had come into my room, told me everything was okay, tucked me in and kissed my forehead, but instead I was told to grow up, that the world didn't revolve around me and my problems. Instead of caring when I started cutting she got angry. Instead of being supportive she yelled. When I got in trouble she cut me off from the only people that could make me feel better. Nothing I ever did or do now was or is good enough for her. I honestly believe she hates me. I think she's embarrassed by me. When I went home in November for Thanksgiving, she saw fresh scars on my arm, she looked at me all she said was, "That better f***ing stop." No remorse, no motherly love, nothing. But what did I expect? The only time she ever let me see a therapist when I was a kid was when the school made her take me to one.

I want to hate her, but I want her to love me.