Some of you may have noticed my posts of late. I have been rapid cycling between mixed episodes and hypomania. I have also been drinking and smoking pot to self medicate. While that hasn't been a riot, it was much better than the awful mixed state that descended upon me on Tuesday night. Since then I have been very low, irritable, agitated, volatile and even suicidal at times. I tried to get into see my doc but couldn't get in until Tuesday. At least it is only four days away. Problem is that my mood state is worsening rapidly. As soon as I wake I am wild eyed and irritable. I take 2mg of CLonazepam and 5mg or Olanzapine after breakfast and feel slitely better for 2 hours then fall back in the dark. So I take more meds as the state I am in is intolerable. The meds seem to have lost their power of my agitation and mood, as have the pot and alcohol. Now I have to wait to see my doc while every second feels like a year in hell.

I guess I am writing this down as I need some support. I am really worried I might get so unwell I would become self-destructive. My mental state has been in a steep decline since Tuesday night. AAAAAGGHHHH!!!! This is horrible.