I just got back from dropping the kids off at school and it has hit. This is the first year I have not worked full time days and I know when I am like this that 8 hours alone is the worst thing for me, but I am too "nothing" to do anything about it.

I think back to even 6-8 weeks ago where I was re-doing my house and painted 4 rooms in like 2 weeks. I can't even imagine picking up a paintbrush now.

Went to a boyscout banquet last night and barely made it through. There is something fundamentally wrong with me. I am so empty. Some of these boys have had great achievements and all I could feel was that I didn't feel anything. I felt it was all a waste of time. Why bother working on badges etc. Why do we even do anything- it's all pointless.

It's pretty bad when I am trying not to cry at a banquet and thinking all these boys and their parents are the stupidest people ever.