I am considering inpatient. If I can hang in till I see my doctor I would be going through the private system that my insurance covers. If I present to Emergency now I would be put in the public system until at least Tuesday as we have a public holiday here (Australia Day actually) on Monday. Admission staff do not work on Public holidays in private hospitals. I guess if I get worse I will have to consider the public system. But I am getting close to the ##ck hospital, I want to self-destruct. So I push away help. This is why I am trying to be proactive and reach out. I feel such deep despair yet wild at the same time. It is pure hell. I am so scared.