So if you have come to realize that you are much better off without her, why haven't you filed for divorce already?

I was in a bad marriage for 33 years.....it was bad from the beginning but I thought the problem was me....because I fought with my parents & then fought with my H.......but when I finally LEFT him 7 years ago, this whole feeling of peace came over my life.....& I didn't fight with other people who I disagreed with......It's taken 7 years but I have finally sorted out why his behavior was what it had been all those years. It reality, the WHY didn't matter other than to help get rid of the anger that had built up toward him to the point of almost feeling rage any time I had to deal with him....I was seeing red by the time I left him.

I actually moved 2100 miles away & bought my farm I had always wanted....the best thing I ever did.....the next best thing is getting the divorce.....we had an IRS issue that had to be resolved before the divorce could happen but I was still free from him mostly & he never communicated in the marriage so it never communicated after I left either.

Realizing that the problem wasn't me & the feeling of freedom & peace that I had when I was away from him.....just all went to my understanding that the marriage was toxic & that I was never able to deal with him as I looked back, I realized that I had ignored the red flags....well, I didn't really ignore them....I excused them away while listening to my mother tell me that he was really a nice guy (which is true)....but all the other crap surrounding the nice guy was what destroyed the marriage.....& I now understand what created the surrounding behavior.....it didn't make the behavior any more tolerable & leaving was the ONLY SOLUTION to my own sanity.

I don't like laying blame as the things that happened were my choice & my reaction.....but I felt trapped in the marriage after I lost my career & ended up having many suicide attempts.....all thought it was the loss of career, not being trapped in the bad marriage....it wasn't until I could look back at what was going on that I finally understood the reality of the situation.....AFTER I GOT OUT.

You are out.....you know what normal feels like now & you know that your wife's behavior is NOT NORMAL.....I would just file for a divorce....yes, it may mean selling the house & a nasty settlement arguments because she may be angry at you for leaving her. Keep it as nice as possible for your 14 year old son.....as you want to be an example of the behavior you want him to learn from all of this.

Sounds to me like it's time to file for the divorce & get this whole mess over with & like you said.....get on with your life.

I would definitely keep the other relationship at a distance during the divorce & since you are both Christians, you know what behavior is acceptable......that was what I felt also.....but I have chosen NOT to get involved with anyone.....not sure I ever will at this point unless the right person does come along & hits me over the head to let me know they are the right person...because after 33 years of having a horrible relationship even though now I realize it wasn't me who was causing it.....it still left me very shy of ever getting involved with anyone EVER again...but who knows what God has planned in the future.