Throughout the day my emotions have been going up and down. Everyday it's like this. I wonder to myself if the meds are losing effect or if they always sort of sucked for rapid mood changes.

I hate the irritation feeling and the depressed feeling. I can't stand being in my skin. Sometimes the thoughts of hurting others pops into my head. I rarely feel suicidal anymore but I do get times where I hate everyone and want them dead.

Not sure why. That old jealous rage perhaps. I hate happy people. My days are empty feeling, I can't remember how I get through the day really. It's a blank. As if I am hibernating.

I don't know. I do know that I feel irritated every day now. Irritated at nights especially. Sometimes I feel so irritated I try to do something to stop the thoughts. Rapid bad thoughts that become deafening. I can't think and I feel like I am suffocating. I'll take double my usual meds. I'll hit myself. I'll want for others to hurt me physically, not for pleasure but to try and focus my mind on something else like pain. A great frustrating feeling.