For a long time, I thought this was all about your need to insist on out of session contact regardless of a therapist's feelings on it; but now I think you just want to know that the person you've been sharing your life with actually cares about you as a person. Your test for that is their willingness to be social with you outside of therapy. Is that close?

If so, then this may not be attainable in the way you're approaching it. How someone shows caring is defined by that person and no one else. As for therapists, it's really hard to know if they care, but even those who do care are not likely to be social with a client or former client.