Meh.

I have a nice weekend planned, visiting a friend out of town. I have another session midweek anyway, tomorrow's is only because my therapist had to reschedule.

I feel all stable, and I know when that session finishes tomorrow, **** will have been stirred up and I will have to pour tons of energy into not spiralling into a desolate, horrible place. It's tiring, and I don't want it messing up my weekend. Even if I go in and say hey I want quite a light session today, it will feel fake and avoiding the whole herd of elephants in the room.

I do love my therapist, but find it all so draining in the rough periods where I get so hurt by her absence. I think probably we're in it for the long haul, and I'll learn from the relationship with her because it so closely mirrors ones that have happened before - so it's ok to not want to have my nose to the grindstone all the time, and have a breather. Though I also know I'll miss her a bit if I don't go Though it makes no odds, because I'll miss her the second I step out onto the street feeling slightly mangled after the session anyway.

Met another very nice therapist today who talked to me about potentially working with their team (if I am lucky enough) and it all seems so lovely and boundaried. Easy (in terms of knowing what to expect). No guesswork. Bliss.

Waste of time to go tomorrow at all? Or is sacking it off really just withdrawing?