My update: My family has all drifted off to wherever they were before, my sister got pregnant one week after my mother's death, and started school this quarter, so she's busier than ever. My mom's best friend calls me every couple days to check up on me, as I do with my siblings. My brother is on a ship somewhere, occasionally able to update his Facebook status only. No other communication is possible. I might start writing him letters, but it'll take weeks... My uncle went back to Canada with his wife. I hear from him every few weeks fir a couple minutes. My best friend doesn't have time for me, neither does my boyfriend. I'm too suspicious of the neighbors next door to be around them, given the circumstances of her death (i think they sold her pain pills). I don't really have any other friends. My mom was all I had. I'm trying to spend more time with my 12 year old, but at her age, that's hard. It's the only time I feel like life might be worth living, though. I had to take the quarter off school since I no longer have someone to watch her, and don't feel comfortable leaving her alone, or capable of getting home at 9 and walking up at 5 to get her up for school. My mother was still waking me up every morning, and bringing me fast food when I was depressed (I'm bipolar). I have plenty to do, given the massive hole she left in our household, not to mention my heart. I think I'm just ranting now. Fortunately, today is my therapy day... But there's a lot I never told my therapist. I told my mother everything, and she told me everything. I've saved all the texts I've gotten from her in the last three or four years, and we texted every time we were apart. We spent nearly all of our free time together. No matter what I'm doing, I can't stop crying while doing it... I don't understand how everyone else is just going on. But, I'm also the only one that's all alone. My therapist says I should go to a grief support group, but I hate being in groups, other than online. I can barely stand to take a shower because she's not around. We only have one bathroom, and every time I got in it to shower, she'd have to pee and we'd end up having a 5 min conversation... Most of the length of my shower. She was my best friend for 32 years. Now I have no one. I'm having a really hard day today, in fact, it seems to only get harder. And we still don't have a cause of death. She was drinking on meds she shouldn't have been drinking on, and I think my neighbors gave her pain pills. We knew the dangers, but we didn't know just how dangerous it was... I keep wishing I'd have skipped my meds, women up to her stumbling through the house and called 911. But there's nothing I can do now, except keep in mind that benzos + alcohol + pain pills = death. She had done it so many times before, and she'd been fine... I don't know what else to say other than Thank you everyone for your support.*