A short work week and now the weekend is here. It seemed like it came quickly. Been feeling very depressed when I wake up to go to work. I like my job, but I feel depressed when the alarm goes off and it's dark getting up.

I have a week off on the first week of Feb. I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it because I have made doctor appointments. I have an illness that I feel that I need to take care of. Even though I feel fine and people say that I look great, I'm feeling my symptoms of my illness is acting up. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling so depressed and anxious. I am always thinking that the worst is really going to happen. Also I have been thinking about death (not suicide) a lot. But I am feeling that bumping myself off would be better than going through tortuous treatments that I am imagining that could happen to me.