I get that too. Whenever things are going well, I feel like I'm always looking over my shoulder, always waiting for something bad to come along and ruin everything. As a result, I feel like I can't really enjoy anything because I'm so determined it's going to go bad. I almost feel better when things aren't going so well because that's how it feels like it's "supposed to be". At least in my life.

I think, for me, this comes from being an ACoA. In the book I've been reading recently it talked about how many ACoA's adhere to a crisis oriented way of living, so even when everything's fine, the subconscious will automatically look for bad things that are about to happen. This comes from being brought up in a consistently unstable, unsafe environment.

I remember growing up, good things always seemed to go bad really quickly because of my families unstable and dysfunctional way of existing. Whenever there was an event or we tried to do something fun as a family, it seemed like everything always ended up with yelling and fighting. As a result, I think grew up expecting everything to turn out badly. And in adult life, I could never enjoy anything because I was always waiting for something bad to happen to ruin it. And if nothing bad happened, I would work something up in my head after the fact and make myself feel bad about something I said or did so I never came out of a good experience feeling good. It's not as bad as it was anymore, thankfully. Well, it fluctuates. I can let go and enjoy myself for short periods of time. Family gatherings and such. But if things in life in general start going unusually well for a long period of time I start to worry. If something unusually good happens that I should be ecstatic about I can't enjoy it because I'm not used to that sort of thing. I try to, but it just feels so unnatural. I automatically think something bad is set up in my future to "balance out" the good stuff. And if I wait long enough, and let myself think on these terms, I'm usually "proven right". Though I try not to think like this anymore. Things happen, good and bad, all the time. Life is a roller coaster, with ups and downs. That's just life, and that's something I'm trying to understand and learn how to accept the good times with the bad and live in the moment without worry. Easier said than done though.