I understand how you are feeling. I was an only child & my father had died almost 15 years before my mom. She ended up with cancer....but a home care person who was a friend & neighbor of my mother's boy friend manipulated her way into caring for her so that she could stay in her home until the end of her life.

The problem...I caught the home care person stealing my mother's wedding ring, writing checks, & caught her on the phone applying for a credit card using my mother's SS# & ID....had to fight to get the phone away from her & the phone went dead as I was walking back to the bedroom I was staying in......found the base phone chord cut later that morning when I started looking around at the phone......she was trying to get me out of the house it's obvious....seemed like she was trying to manipulate my mother into giving her the house & I think that my mother's BF's daughter was in on it because she felt that my mother had abused the use of her father for support during her cancer treatment & my mom called him instead of 911 when she collapsed "slid down the door" & couldn't get back up (think she had a mild stroke) but the MD's wouldn't give me any real support in caring for my mom by that point. Earlier that morning after I had placed a call to the police to find out if there was anything I needed to do after explaining everything that had been happening, I got a call on the phone......in the Caribbean accent of the home care person saying that she was a social worker & wanted to talk with my mother & listening in on the call, she was telling my mother that she needed to make sure that her family wasn't treating her badly of keeping her away from the things that she needed (like filling her brain with thoughts & Ideas)....when I asked for her name, ID, & phone number she gave me fake information because I tried calling the phone number after she hung up. The final straw was right after that, the home care person called the police accusing me of abusing my mother when she was the one that was doing all the abusing.

I understand how you felt with all the police in the house & all the rude questioning. Things worked out & my mother's trust lawyer showed up at the right time.....after the police left & I had already called to find another home care group to take care of her but they hadn't been able to come yet....later that day. So the home care person gave my mother a hand full of pills (thinking they were for the diarrhea) my mother called to me that she had dropped one of the pills that she had been given a handfull of to take & she hated taking a hand full of pills......like I was supposed to find the pill in her hospital bed or on the floor in the cramped room she was in when they finally delivered her hospital bed. Right after that my mother started to shiver uncontrollably & I gave her hot tea to try & warm her up along with sitting her on top of the heater in the house.........

There was a small battle again with the home care person when I said that I was having a new care person come that I would be interviewing....& the home care person called 911 & the police again......they weren't going to bother taking my mother to the ER but I told the EMT's to get my mother out of the house. Then had her transferred over to the hospital where her oncologist & MD's were under an ailas that the security at the hospital suggested. It was terribly confusing for my mother as like I said, I'm pretty sure that she had a mild stroke about a month before. When I went back to her house that night, I found the pill....the home care person had given my mother a hand full of her morphine pills. I had been suspicious as I was following the ambulance to the ER & asked the ER MD if it could have been an overdose & she said it was like she had an OD of sleeping pills which tied in with my thinking. I also had my H change all the locks on the doors & make sure that every window was closed tight.....I had this feeling inside that that home care person might tell my mother's BF that she had left something in the house & he had my mother's key.....& I had this vision of her coming & clearing out everything from the house just to get even.

In the hospital I filed a report against the home care person with APS & the day after that I went to the police & filed a report with them. I had gone back to stay at my mother's home (the house I grew up in) those 2 following nights but the last night before going to the police, I realized just how dangerous it was going back to that house alone at night with all the bushes that surrounded the door.......& that next morning when I walked out to the car I had this horrible feeling that there might have been a bomb planted on the car or the break lines cut..........imagination was way too vivid, but while driving to the police station.....there she was in the car right in back of me....& it was her little red car that was being driven by someone else while she sat in the passenger seat with her hand covering her forehead.

This all happened 10 years ago.....but my memory of the details is as vivid today as it was the 5 days it was all happening....PTSD has a strange way of working. I had horrible nightmares after that about having a physical fight with that home care person even though the only fight had been over the phone. My pdoc tried to give me benzo's but they did nothing for me....he finally gave me a high dose of seroquel which totally knocked me out but it was the only way I could get any sleep....& at the same time because of all the stress I ended up dealing with anorexia & ended up in the medical hospital the night my mother died needing to have IV nutrition. In some ways I guess it was good to be in the hospital as I was surrounded by support which is something that had always been an issue with my H (have since found out that I'm sure he's dealing with Asperger's the only thing that explains ALL his behaviors for the 33 years I was married to him before finally leaving.

Don't be surprised if time doesn't lessen the memories.....it's just the way PTSD works.......but understand that what you are going through & experiencing are very normal feelings. They wanted me to go to a grief group through the hospice care that in the end had been caring for my mother when I safely got her into a nursing home close to where I lived & where no one else knew where she was except for close family & friends I could trust....but the grief processing didn't help with the PTSD & didn't even touch on people who were involved with major trauma events involved in the death of their loved ones. My medical GP had the on call hospital pdoc & psychologist come in to see me daily even though they thought they were only dealing with anorexia....all I talked about was the trauma I went through.

I definitely understand the emotions you are going through & the unknown that you don't really have answers for & the trauma involved in dealing with the whole mess that was surrounding the death.

PC is full of understanding & compassionate people....I found that posting what I had gone through so many times here it also helped me process my thoughts.....hope you find the help that I have been able to find here on PC....that was actually the exact time I started posting here & my first posts were about....

Sending you kind & peaceful thoughts to help you get through all of this.....it's not easy & it's not going to be easy...but it's possible.