We have been married a little over a year and I have known him for over 10. We have one child together and three from other relationships (1 is mine). I have grown to the everything about him. During my pregnancy I had a lot of issues with how he treated me. He would force me to have sex despite me not wanting to. If he didn't get his way he would demean me and threaten to find someone else. I discovered he had been buying prescription drugs illegally near the end of my pregnancy. We were struggling financially at the time because I had beef forced to take a hiatus from work due to complications in my pregnancy. This decorated me. I knew he had been a casual user in his younger life but had been clean for years. We had even spoken about it and my feelings regarding that behavior. My mother had just recently overdosed and died after a long-term addiction. He made promises then, but in the two years since he has started using at least twice. I am so distrustful of him now I feel as if I am constantly on edge. Each time he has done this and I try to talk to him about it he tells me I am crazy and making stuff up. Afterwards he will blame me for everything. I am good to him despite what he tells himself. I have been the main provider in our household. He cannot keep a job. He will last 6 months at the most and either quit or get fired. I work full time and went to college throughout our entire relationship and only did not work the last 3 months of my pregnancy. He has not been working the last 5 months and has left everything up to me. I resent him for not taking any responisibility in our lives. On top of all of this he is selfishly mean to our children. By this I mean that he will ignore and get mad at our youngest son if he wants attention. He prefers for my 8 year old to stay shut up in his room and out of his way. He gets jealous if I give them my attention instead of him. He has several other behaviors that are equally as childish. I cannot stand him. I have no interest in sex and he treats me like I am dirt because of this. He talks down to me because he is not getting what he wants. Despite being well educated and relatively intelligent there are times when he has gotten me so low I have considered suicide. I quickly reassert myself to know that it is not an option, but I do not know what to do. He has said that he will never grant me a divorcemii am at the end of my rope and cannot go on like this anymore.

Sorry for all the errors I'm writing on my phone