I´m still looking for a new T after being terminated by my former T and I experience a kind of emotional depth I didn´t experienced before. I´ve noticed that this search for a new T makes me more vulnerable and I cry more easily, most often because I think of my former T. It´s also because it´s so hard to find a new one, to talk about my issues to several T:s and hoping I´ll find someone I can trust.

It´s almost like searching for someone you can show your heart to and what can be more extraditing than that. Sometimes I can feel this almost physically, the sadness, the hurt and the hardship in finding a new T. Sometimes I start crying when awaken, I´ve never done this before.

It´s to a small extent nice to be able to have those feelings and to know you can feel those kind of feelings for someone but mostly this brings me a lot of frustration and thoughts about how I´ll ever solve my problems.