Hi all - I have been in a near constant state of anxiety for the past week or so, with terrible, horrible, messed up intrusive thoughts wrecking havoc. None of this is new. I have been officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and was in therapy, which did wonders and made me feel like a real person again. But then I moved across the country, and I won't have insurance for another month, so I've been trying to self-manage but just haven't been doing all that hot. I had an awful panic attack (aren't they always) on Thanksgiving because I convinced myself that I had a blood clot. It was the first time my anxiety had latched onto my health and it hasn't moved, just radiated to other topics whIle festering in my health.

So two days ago I had severe self loathing because I majorly messed up at work (I just got promoted so major pressure from myself) and haven't been going to the gym (to be fair I have had a cold), so I cried and cried and cried. Yesterday I had ruminating thoughts about everything, though it likes to focus on cancer. And then today I woke up feeling...nothing. I mean, I know the anxiety is still there, and I know I could get set off easily, but I'm just feeling numb. Like my brain is so tired of over thinking everything that it's just thrown in the towel. I had some really dark scary intrusive thoughts last night, which I think set this off, but it's a scary feeling. Anyone ever been here? I want to feel something but I don't know how to get out of this fog.