Can you afford to just go and leave him in his own mess? Would he let you take all the children (so they are safe)?

I wish I had some excellent advice for you. In Australia they don't have to agree to a divorce. You have to try to resolve the issues (usually through counselling) but if he doesn't show up or it doesn't work, you can file for divorce over Irreconcilable Differences'

I hate that he's had you thinking about suicide. That's not the answer. You need to get out of this situation before the day comes when you can't pull yourself out of that slump.

I really feel for you and the kids. Have you considered calling the police about his drug habit? (again, sorry, in Australia the rules are very different. I'm not sure if this is an option where you are)

Please know that there is a woman on the other side of the world who is hoping for you and wishing you the best.