Thank you.. I wrote an email. I started explaining briefly what happened but as I read it, it felt more and more stupid and I ended up just asking for an earlier appointment "as I have a problem". I always tend to minimize things (and then I regret it) but it felt too invasive since I know her boundaries and I also know she crossed them a lot of times for me. I asked her not to respond during the weekend, but to think in the meantime if she can give me an earlier appointment.
I wish I could be more honest about what I need and how fast, but she knows I avoid contact and if I write it's because I am in crisis and can't resist my blocks so I think she will reach out. Probably tomorrow evening. I'm having some crisis moments but I am trying to stay calm as I will be alone for the weekend.

Thank you