well you have listed the cons of this relationship, are there any benefits? he does not have control of whether you file for divorce or not. he does not need to grant you permission. you can go to the court, get the blank forms, fill them out, pay the filing fee, serve his ***, he has some time to answer, he may contest it, you may have to go to mediation, you may come to an agreement and then you are divorced, if you dont come to an agreement, the judge decides and you are divorced. with the history you described, he really doesnt have much of a leg to stand on.