It's odd because you need a tough skin in the majority of workplaces or socializing, etc. When you put up that wall sometimes you do yourself a disfavor and accidentally shut everything out. It's kind of like an art, imo. When I put up a wall my wall goes all the way up and I feel nothing - so it's like black and white with me which doesn't help me function anywhere.

When I'm around my family I realize that it's OK to bring down my defenses and it really messes with my head. I find the whole process difficult and very strange.

Hey, if you listen to Alan Watts numerous lectures (youtube) he talks a lot about the Modern World and things just like this and how absurd and dissatisfying the whole process can be. He talks about engaging and disengaging ourselves due to all sorts of contemporary values, myths, taboos, expectations, etc. around us, how we end up losing ourselves in the process and how we lose sight of the present moment when all we really have is nothing but the present.