hey, i'm not sure what happens when the mother pushes the toddler away.

winnicott (i think that is person) talked about 'good enough' mothering. the notion is that mothers aren't perfectly attuned to their infants all the time and sometimes they do act in a way that frustrates their infants real needs. if the mother is 'good enough' so that there is a basic background of attunement, however, then disruptions like that can be tolerated without major harm.

if the mother is often misattuned (e.g., often pushes the toddler away) then that can result in longer term harm, however. i would think that it might be a little like abuse in the sense that when an infant is upset it seeks out the mother to help soothe the upset. when the mother pushes the infant away the mother becomes the source of the upset. that could lead to 'push-pull' tendencies (insecure attachment). seeking proximity with someone you care about and then pushing them away (to pre-empt their doing it to you). or sometimes it is a little more like neglect so the infant kind of turns away from the mother. sometimes the affection is turned towards the father instead (what happened with me, i guess) or siblings or someone else. sometimes the infant just kind of numbs emotions and turns away from mother. avoidant attachment.

i guess part of it is about... whether the infant was always pushed away or whether they were only pushed away in a particular context. something that can happen during this time is that the infant goes away from mother because it is exploring the world. then it returns to mother for emotional 'refueling' but when the infant returns the mother rejects / pushes the infant away. if there is a particular reason why the mother is pushing the infant away (e.g., the mother felt abandoned / unneeded by the infant when the infant went exploring) then the infant will learn... not to go exploring. will learn that their own desires (to explore) are unacceptable to mother. sometimes this can result in clingy, insecure infants. thats how come when children have seperation anxiety usually it is the mothers seperation anxiety that needs to be treated and then the kid comes right.