i am unclear as to what you interpreted her perception of you to be, that you felt shame over. regarless, your feelings are valid. feelings are always valid.

i dont know if i am off base here, but what i get from this is that you are not an addict and do not wish to be perceived that way. sure, you may have partied hard, but you were self medicating a unaddressed mental health issue. not the same.

i see a difference there. i drank very heavily for a few years in my teens. quit then for a couple more years then got sober and was so for 13 years before i started drinking socially. I looked like the classic alcoholic. i had black outs, but i was drinking specifically to black out. i needed to shut down what was going on in my mind. i rarely drink today. ive got vodka in my fridge ive had for two years. i will be majorly stressed and think how much i need a drink then got home and totally forget i was going to have one. NOt an alcoholic. '

i am sorry that you have had this struggle going on in your life and are made to feel this way. take care.