Thanks. It's amazing to me that so many people seem to be able to find therapists that DO understand them and get their stuff. I guess I'm starting to fall back into the feeling that therapy is just not going to be a useful avenue of healing for me... maybe... though I'm not sure what else to try.

LicketySplit - I think I know what you mean, and I'd agree that my therapy isn't *about* the relationship. But, it still seems like.. it's an important aspect/container/something (?). Especially for me, the trust part is important - and I think part of that is being able to ask questions about expectations, or how things are perceived, or whatnot.

That's a good point about talking about the SI/etc with him. But, it's so hard. I try, but that was the point of the other post (and of me asking him about expectations) - it's *not* clear to me what's ok, what's ok to talk about or bring in or expect or whatever. And, it's hard, because the SI isn't an every day, or every week thing... and sometimes when it happens, I don't remember why The last time (~3 weeks ago?) - I remember wanting to for several days, but not *why*. I feel very *undefined* and fuzzy, and I feel like that makes it really hard to go into therapy and talk about stuff... "stuff" just isn't clear to me.

Gaylegg - thanks. It was weird, I don't think it's totally taboo... but it's the second time that he's told me that HE doesn't think it's helpful. Maybe I need to tell him to just stop saying that, because clearly I think it's helpful, or I wouldn't keep doing it.

Seeking Peace - wow! That's great that you're already feeling understood after only a month! Thanks. Maybe, I should... I'm really torn though, because I've tried a ton of other Ts in the past, and it really wasn't any better. So I'm thinking it's something that I'm bringing with me. They can't ALL be THAT bad, can they?!? And, as I said, he's sort of actually been the best of the group in terms of helping me stay grounded, and not being defensive when I bring up stuff...

StopDog - thanks, that's a good idea. Maybe... but I've seen so many already, I feel like I'm running out of therapists in my area! And, it's really hard for me to tell from one visit... at least so far. I don't know, it seems doubtful to me that something magical is going to happen in one hour that will let me absolutely know a T is perfect for me though I wish it would!